Lack of sleep is one of the greatest dangers I know. Yes, I realize that’s privilege talking, but let me explain.
One of the side effects of dancing for most of my life is I’ve picked up various aches and pains that make holding any position for a long time VERY uncomfortable.
And of all the positions it’s bad to hold, probably the worst is say, slouched in front of my computer making music for hours on end.
This prevents me from having the same quality of sleep others might have. Which means I need 9-10 hours minimum if I don’t want to turn into a basket case in a few days. A midday catnap doesn’t hurt either.
Thing is, I don’t know if that’s a normal thing that happens as you grow older, or if I’m just weird (in another way).
I mean, I know sleep quality does decline, but I just thought it would happen sometime after say, age 36.
And while some people seem able to manage just fine on a few hours sleep, that is nowhere near my skill set.
If I don’t sleep, I can’t focus. Everything that involves using my brain, whether it’s having a conversation, or designing a chord progression, becomes three times harder. I’m more prone to depression, and unhelpful, escapist behaviours.
I’ve consulted fitness trainers, osteopaths, and Pilates instructors, and only the last seems to do any good, at least for the pain.
I think the scariest thing for me is what it does to my motivation. Don’t get me wrong – I’m absolutely burning to get those 10,000 hours done, and more after that. I know why I’m doing it, and it’s a cause I strongly believe in.
But certain circumstances, when exacerbated enough, start to overshadow that motivation, until all I can think of is how to relieve the pressure. Social anxiety is one of those things. Lack of sleep is another.
Sleep deprivation, in other words, represents a part of myself I have not yet gotten under control. And sooner or later I’ll have to, before something happens to throw me off course.
Basically it amounts to self-trust. I need to trust that I can do what I say I’m going to do.
Credits:
‘A Man in Red Shirt Covering His Face’ by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels