I haven’t even sat down at my desk when it hits me. A kind of vague, creeping dread of the unknown journey to come.
Over the next 2 hours, I will face frustrations and setbacks. Things I thought would come easily, won’t. Theories I had about how to make something sound a certain way will fall through. And once and a while, in a brief but weightless moment, I will get something to work.
I’ve developed a great deal of respect for anyone who can suffer through the learning process long enough to change the world with it, even a little. For me, it’s a fight through several layers of doubt, insecurity and self-sabotage, all leaning against me to just give it a rest and play Minecraft instead.
I’ve only seriously resisted that emotional baggage once before as an entrepreneur, when I created a website for teaching others to dance online. (The website is still up – check it out here if you like).
In the end, my own ambition defeated me. My plan was to provide an interactive service for my users, through monthly videos they would vote on, weekly blogs, and detailed Q&As. Virtually all of which I was doing myself, on top of my actual job as a dance instructor.
I lasted about a year before I burned out.
I learned a lot from that experience, and yet, there were many questions I never managed to fully answer: What is the best way to reach a target audience? How do I figure out exactly what they want, and compromise between that and what I want?
At the same time, I recognize how fragile a thing this pipe dream is. I mean, I’ve never built a business that turned a profit before. I didn’t even seriously use my university degree after I graduated! What the hell am I doing? What if people don’t even like my music?
Some would say allowing those fears out in the open is a sure way to talk yourself out of a successful career. I say I’m not going to overcome decades of feeling like a loser with a positive attitude. I can’t beat my demons if I don’t understand how they fight.
One thing that works is curiosity. As I sit here, planning what I’m going to work on today, my brain starts to wonder about things I haven’t tried yet. As I start considering the possibilities, my excitement starts to push the fear aside.
Having a plan is also vital: The fear is greatest when uncertainty is greatest. I always try to sit down with a clear idea of what I’m working on today, and if that changes for some reason, I make a new plan as quick as I can.
But ultimately, the best way to defeat the Daily Discomfort is just to start. As the work draws me in, I stop worrying about the future, if only because – thank god – I can’t multitask well enough to worry and focus at the same time. Oh yeah, learning to focus is helpful too.
I’m under no illusions about the mental marathon run I’m undertaking. But I’m also very aware of how incredibly stubborn, creative, and persistent I can be. Let’s see if it’s enough.