Writing is hard. At least good writing is; dodging all the hackneyed phrases and tired cliches to produce something semi-original and authentic.
More and more, I find myself craving a better grasp of the english language. With each word learned, I come closer to saying something completely honest. But it’s still just an approximation.
I’ve never excelled at sharing myself with others, and yet, I crave authentic connections. I want to cut through all the small-talk bullsh*t and get to something of substance.
The problem with conversations is you can only go as deep as the shallowest person there, which is the single biggest reason why I can’t stand large gatherings.
Learning ballroom dancing was my teenager method of sidestepping the issue, by communicating through movement instead. But it’s pretty hard to convey an existential crisis through a promenade pivot.
Solo dancers have it better, because they can transmit ideas through their movement, without a partner to compromise for. Likewise for tv shows, plays, paintings, music, etc.
But without immediate feedback, there’s not much of a conversation going on. Or at least, it’s happening VERY slowly.
The internet has been helpful in speeding things up – anyone can comment on my post and say: “Hey, this post sucked! Here’s why!” And I can be like, “oh really? Tell me more!”
But at the same time, it’s nearly impossible to have deep discussions online, because we lack the non-verbal cues to ‘season’ the words. Sorry, it’s almost dinner time here. Anyway we’re back to face-to-face dialogue again.
And even in person, good conversations are extremely rare. The really, REALLY good discussions tend to sneak up on you, while you’re trying to sober up with your buddy on the stoop of your university residence, for example.
In those rare moments, it’s not about what’s being said at all – you’re both intuitively aware of what those words MEAN, when said by this person, in this context. And for a beautiful, miraculous instant, a real connection is made.
I could live my life learning how to create more of those moments between people. But since most of the people currently in my life aren’t particularly good conversationalists either (with the exception of my wife), here I am, dancing and learning to make music.
Maybe someday, the music I make will spark a connection moment for someone else. That would be f*cking sweet.
Credits:
‘Argument Conflict Controversy’ by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay
‘Children Road Distant Supportive’ by Annie Spratt from Pixabay
‘Conversation Talk Bird Blue Tit’ by Andrew Martin from Pixabay
‘Dancing Dance Ballroom Elegance’ by habanera dance from Pixabay