Humans, as a species, have a pretty significant fear of the unknown.
I’m sure that’s a big part of why we shy away from learning new things – I mean, would you take ballroom dance lessons if it meant embarrassing yourself regularly in front of your spouse? I get it, fellas.
I knew I would encounter this particular demon on a regular basis, especially in the earlier years of this work, because, well, there’s a crap-load of new stuff to learn.
And yes, there’s various courses that can give you a start-to-finish approach to music making, so a lot of the guesswork is handled. But then again, you’ll STILL have to delve into uncharted waters – at least, if you want to stand out from everyone else who took the same course.
Plus, virtual classes cost real money, eh? So I’m resigned to the daily struggle of figuring things out in my slow painful way, with the help of that mood-swingy, slightly psychotic, Uncle YouTube.
It’s not all bad though.
For one thing, the worse it feels getting started on a new and unfamiliar track or section, the better it feels once it’s done! Thanks karma!
But especially, it forces me to deal with the discomfort, the anxiety, the stress and fear. Every day, I have to stare them down and remind myself that they can’t hurt me.. unless perhaps, I give them my power.
And as I wallow in that scary unknown, things start to happen. A tweak of a knob creates an interesting sound that generates an idea. An unexpected harmony gives a clue as to the larger vibe of a song. And a suggestion of a way forward starts to present itself.
For the longest time, I avoided having to push into the Fog of Unknown. It seemed too scary, as though body discomfort presented a real threat to me.
Later, I started playing at the edge of the Fog, occasionally delving in on the days when motivation and confidence were highest.
The last two or three years, it’s become a more regular occurrence. And you know what? A part of me f*cking loves it.
There is a sense of self-possession and purpose we feel, with every barrier we break through. It’s as though every step forward is spitting in the eye of everyone who ever told you to settle, that you already have it pretty good, that lots of others are happy with their lot, so why can’t you be too?
In the end, if we try anything new, it’s because our desire to live a better life has finally overcome our fear that we lack the ability to receive anything – or deserve nothing better – than what has been placed in front of us.
But when you get mad enough, or determined enough, or desperate enough… Amazing things can happen, my friends.
As Lester Burnham muses in the movie American Beauty: ‘It’s a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do…’
Credits:
‘Crowd Reflection Color Toy’ by Markus Spiske from Pexels
‘Serious little ethnic girl sitting at table with mother during lunch and looking away’ by Alex Green from Pexels