I used to love listening to motivational speeches, the kind you can find on YouTube, usually with lots of rah-rah music in the background.
One of the most important lessons those inspirational people managed to pound into my head was this: Find a way to make your goals important to you.
Doesn’t that sound obvious? And yet, most of us only half-a** our goals, having little appreciation for how hard it can be to stay motivated during those long plateaus where it’s seems like nothing’s working.
Many adults conclude after a few failed attempts that they just don’t have that ‘special stuff’ that enables others to achieve their goals – never realizing they simply weren’t using the right mental tool for the job.
The title for this article comes from the motivational coach Eric Thomas (it’s actually the tagline for his website). He liked to tell a story about a man who met his tutor by the beach one morning.
The tutor encouraged the man to venture into the ocean, deeper and deeper, until he grabbed the man and held his head under water. When he finally let go and asked the man what he had been thinking, the man replied, “‘I wanted to breath.”
To which the older tutor responded, “when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breath, THEN you will be successful.”
Overdramatic? Perhaps – but it brings the point home: You have to be attached enough to your goals to want them even when your head is under the proverbial water – especially then, actually.
As I mentioned earlier, most of us have the capacity to do great things, but we place our faith in the wrong mental tool to get us there. And that tool is called willpower.
On the surface, willpower seems like the most powerful weapon at our disposal – a quick search online defines it as “control exerted to do something or restrain impulses.”
But the definition also contains one of willpower’s fatal flaws, in the word exertion. Willpower is hard. And while we can implement it for shorter ‘sprints’, it’s not nearly enough to carry us through the years of toil required to achieve mastery.
“No way! We just need to practice building up our willpower, and then we will be unstoppable!” I hear some of you say.
First of all, you’ve been watching too many of those YouTube videos I mentioned. And second, while willpower can certainly get stronger, many researchers believe this only gets you so far.
The problem is that EVERYTHING taxes your willpower. When you choose homework over looking at YouTube videos, that’s willpower. Refusing cream cheese on your bagel is willpower. Writing a blog instead of watching a movie? Yep, willpower.
To keep your willpower from getting depleted, most people recommend tactics like avoiding the things that tempt you, taking frequent breaks, or eating small amounts of dark chocolate for an energy boost.
Some people praise willpower’s virtues, because they haven’t realized that underlying their own is something far more powerful.
See, willpower is really only required to do or not do things that on some level, you just don’t WANT to do/not do. But if you can see those choices as part of something greater, it can change from a chore to something exciting – or at least doable.
Let me clarify with an example: During a tour of NASA in the early days of the space program, president Kennedy encountered a janitor and asked why he was working so late.
“Mr. President,” the janitor responded, “I’m helping put a man on the moon.”
Regardless of whether the story is actually true, it illustrates how a normally tedious task can be reframed to include the larger purpose it serves.
Here’s another example: When we are going through a rough patch, who do we turn to for support?
Almost anyone would say “friends and family”. But why? It’s not like they’re trained therapists (usually), and their advice is often no more qualified than your own.
We turn to them because we care about them; we value their opinions and believe they are looking out for us.
Likewise, we can expand this sense of caring to other aspects of our lives – like our goals. Hey, we made it back, people!
Think of the things you actually enjoy doing – the stuff you don’t need or want breaks for. How much easier would achieving your goals be if you weren’t forcing it with sheer willpower all the time?
This is the real superpower, the one that easily gets confused with willpower. But unlike the latter, it has no limit – with the right mental training, literally ANYTHING can become at least bareable.
That’s not to say that there won’t always be aspects of the work you won’t like. But those parts won’t get to you as much, because you’ll see how they serve the parts you DO like.
This is where learning to tap into the why behind your goals can empower you to push harder towards them than you ever thought you could.
Spend some time reflecting on what really motivates and excites you to succeed. Consider the people who will benefit from your success, not just yourself.
If this is hard for you, some forms of meditation train mental habits like compassion, so you can more easily connect with helping the larger community of which you are a part. Look up “loving kindness meditation” for more.
Just always remember that your motivation to succeed is the most precious resource that you have – and the more you progress, the stronger it gets. Good luck.
Credits:
‘Blue and Red Superman Print Tanktop Shirt’ by Pixabay
‘Close-Up Photo of Stacked Brownies’ by Ella Olsson
‘Group of People Making Toast’ by fauxels
‘Man in Blue and Brown Plaid Dress Shirt Touching His Hair’ by Nathan Cowley
‘Man Wearing Black Cap With Eyes Closed Under Cloudy Sky’ by Kelvin Valerio