Like most artists, I worry about finances a lot. One of my worst fears is of running out of money, not being able to support my wife, and us ultimately having to return home to Toronto. In my mind, that would make me a “failure”.
But what does it mean to fail anyway? Is it the same for each person? Does it mean we don’t succeed at one endeavour, or ALL endeavours? Is that even possible? What’s the difference between failing and being a “failure”?
I won’t pretend to have the answers to these questions. BUT I gots plenty of opinions! Let’s dive in!
As the two or three people who actually read this know, I am not someone who consciously accepts the idea of failure, at least not as a label applied to an entire person. Unconsciously though, it’s a different story, which I’ll get to later.
Of course, there’s plenty of times when we fail to DO something we were attempting. Why else do they say you should never fix your plumbing without the help of a professional?
Of course it’s still a learning experience if you end up frantically calling the plumber while water shoots vertically out of your sink or toilet, but y’know, that’s more of a “silver lining” than a success.
Frankly, I think it would do us good to get comfortable with the idea of failing this way, ’cause trust me, it’s GONNA happen.
Where we run into trouble though, is when we go from from failing at something to saying “I am a failure”. Because now you’re taking something you’ve done, and making it about who you are.
It’s like saying that, because you couldn’t succeed doing this ONE thing this ONE time, you will never succeed at ALL things at ALL times. Doesn’t that sound a wee bit crazy?
I don’t think this happens when we fail at just anything. It has to be something important to us, like getting a record label contract, for example.
When it’s important to us, part of it gets tied up in our subconscious identity. It really feels like we are personally lessened by our inability to succeed in pursuit of our goals.
So if I had to move back to Toronto, I would feel like a failure because I’ll be leaving Halifax and several collaborative efforts, which seem to more closely represent who am I today. Going back feels like, well… Going backwards. It’s a feeling that would pass over time, but it would certainly hurt for a while.
The real crux of the problem though, is the sense of being a failure can become truth if we convince ourselves we really are wasting our time. Like Les Brown says, in order to have a chance of succeeding at something, we have to at least believe “it’s possible”.
That’s just not a helpful mindset. So, how do we go about reframing it?
- “Failure” is mutually exclusive from “survival. As long as we’re still breathing, we can still achieve our goals. Seen in this light, failure is just a setback.
- Failure to succeed is not (necessarily) a failure to learn. Like the plumbing accident from earlier, there’s an opportunity to come back and try again with a little more wisdom.
- Failure on what time scale? You might as well say “I haven’t succeeded… yet.” After all, if we succeeded the first time we tried anything, where would be the satisfaction of conquering a difficult challenge? It might seem paradoxical, but it’s the struggle that makes us stronger.
Well, it was a different time, but you get the idea.
For me, survival is the big one – I have some pretty big hangups around creating a sustainable living for myself. Once that one’s handled though, I have no problem committing a large portion of my life to failure after failure. It’s how we move forward, baby!
A parting thought: Sometimes failure happens because we try to do too much too quickly. I wrote about this previously in my article on patience, so check that out if it strikes your fancy!
Credits:
“Desperate evicted male entrepreneur standing near window” by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
“Mad formal executive man yelling at camera” by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
“Man Wearing Blue Shorts About to Dive on Body of Water” by Oliver Sjöström from Pexels
“Water Fountain on Brown Brick Wall” by Ethan Medrano from Pexels