I am not a philosopher, but I often play one in my journal. Recently I sat down and wrote the following:
Apr 20, 2020
All this time at home is bringing out my introspective side, it seems. So here’s my thoughts on the best way to live one’s life.
Here is what I know: We have no evidence that there is any external source for a moral compass – no proof that a divine being exists. There are laws, sure, but they do not guide our morals, although they try to closely emulate them. That means that one’s sense of what is right and wrong must come from within.
I also have seen no evidence of an afterlife, or of reincarnation. What I DO have evidence of is this is the one life we have, for no one who leaves this world has ever managed to convey a message from the “other side”.
That is not to say neither of these things exist, but simply that there are more likely possibilities, which have experiential evidence at least.
If we only have this one life, it makes sense to enjoy it as much as possible. And the one meter we have to gauge enjoyment by, broadly speaking, is our ability to experience pleasure. That pleasure can take many forms of course, but ultimately, more “joy units” equals a happier life. And since our morals are self-made and there is no obvious greater purpose to strive for, why would we not choose happiness?
Many of our problems come from how we choose to pursue such happiness however. I like to separate this into short-term and long-term pleasure. Short-term pleasures are sensual and hedonistic – sex, video games, drugs, television, junk food, etc. Some of these can be used for a deeper purpose – video games can help bond people together for instance – but the most common use is for a quick burst of pleasure. This pleasure, while satisfying in the moment, is ultimately hollow. Few people look back on a hedonistic life and consider it a life well-lived.
Long-term pleasure ultimately provides more joy units than short-term, but over a longer period of time – learning a new skill, expressing yourself in a new authentic way, helping others, etc. The greatest joy I’ve ever experienced comes from combining these together: Engaging in a vocation that excites and challenges me to grow, with the ultimate intention of giving back to others.
If we accept that happiness is the ultimate goal of life, then combining these long-term pleasures together into a practice you can dedicate your life to seems like the best way to live. And the best part is, it’s a win-win: The more you help yourself, the more you can help others, and the more joy everyone experiences as a whole.
This isn’t a new concept – it’s just me framing it in a way I can understand and explain. Nor are these pleasures different from culture to culture. Spiritual leaders and major religions all over the world use the same themes of “love thy neighbour” and “turn the other cheek”. Successful people from every walk of life – those who enjoy their work beyond simply making money – have stressed the importance of giving back to the community. And for those who’ve made money their religion, I would argue they would be even more effective – and happy – if they focused on the joy they were bringing to others, rather than hoarding it needlessly.
I also want to mention that I’m a believer in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – one will not be motivated to pursue this most altruistic form of happiness until the other levels – physical, security, social and ego – are met.
Also, by “giving back”, I mean an activity that reduces the overall suffering in the world. Certain types of suffering are inevitable, most especially the suffering inherent in coming to know yourself, embracing your inner demons and learning self-awareness and self-mastery. Most other types however, are a by-product of social dysfunction, from bullies and cliques to riots and glass ceilings. The remaining types of suffering, like disease, drought, famine, natural disasters and so on, are currently inevitable, but by no means unsolvable. A truly altruistic practice is one that focuses on eliminating these lower forms of suffering. In other words, we must help satisfy the lower levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy for as many people as possible (starting with ourselves), so an increasing proportion of humanity is free to give back as well.
Finally, in the pursuit of happiness, we must find a balance between living for ourselves and living for others. Many people spent their lives doing something they do not enjoy, but feel obligated to do so for the sake of others, like a man who spends his free time caring for his sick mother. Many also are afraid to go through the inner suffering required to master themselves, but disguise that fear as practicality: “I can’t work on my project right now, because the floor hasn’t been swept yet.”
No two people have the same circumstances, so there is no single rule that can guide us. But the reality is, we cannot live a fulfilling life if all our energy is given to others – we must include ourselves among the people we love. Yes, some will call us selfish. But if we accept that we cannot help others until we help ourselves first, we are actually limiting the amount of good we can do in the world when we give away our time and energy. On the other hand, we can focus on ourselves more, create a beautiful life, and in doing so, inspire and give others implicit permission to do the same. For what else is life for?
That is not to say that we should ignore the suffering of those in our inner circle in favour of the greater good. Sometimes, people really do need our help. But other times, what they really need is for their crutch to be kicked away, so they can stand on their own two feet. Only through courage and intense presence can we spot the difference.
So, to summarize: Based on the evidence life gives us, the best way to live is by pursuing a calling that we are passionate about, that allows us to express ourself authentically in some way, and which helps to reduce the suffering that is not inevitable. This is the most altruistic thing we can do, and brings the most joy to us and others.